Unlearning the Need to Be Liked

The Girl Who Wanted to Be Chosen

For as long as I can remember, I wanted to be liked. Not just noticed — liked. I wanted to be the friend people trusted, the student professors remembered, the coworker everyone got along with. I thought being liked meant being safe.

But somewhere between overexplaining myself and saying “yes” when I wanted to say “no,” I realized that being universally liked was coming at the cost of something sacred: me.

It’s easy to slip into the mindset that other people’s comfort matters more than your own. You start shrinking in rooms that were never made to hold you, and call it humility. You start softening your voice to fit the tone, and call it kindness.

But I’ve learned that peace doesn’t come from being liked — it comes from being real.

Learning That “Likeable” Isn’t the Same as “Loving”

People-pleasing is quiet. It looks like being the dependable friend who never says she’s tired. The student who always volunteers to help. The girl who hides her opinions to avoid tension.

But being liked isn’t the same as being loved. Liked is conditional — it depends on how comfortable you make others feel. Loved is unconditional — it sees you, flaws and all.

When I started honoring my boundaries and speaking more honestly, I noticed the shift. Some people drifted away, and it hurt — but it also made room for those who truly saw me.

The Discomfort of Being Misunderstood

Unlearning the need to be liked is not pretty. It’s messy. There will be moments when you say no and feel guilty. When you speak your truth and the room goes quiet. When people label you as “different,” “distant,” or “difficult.”

But I remind myself: being misunderstood isn’t the same as being wrong. Some people will only ever know the version of you that served them — not the one that’s learning to serve herself.

And that’s okay. Growth means accepting that not everyone gets a front-row seat anymore.

What I’m Learning to Choose Instead

Instead of asking, “Do they like me?” I’ve started asking, “Do I feel at peace around them?”

I’m choosing alignment over approval.
Boundaries over burnout.
Truth over perception.

And slowly, it’s teaching me that I don’t need to be liked to be worthy. I just need to be whole.

Closing Thoughts

The need to be liked is heavy. It keeps you performing when you should be resting, apologizing when you did nothing wrong, and chasing acceptance that should’ve been yours all along.

So here’s what I’m unlearning: I don’t exist to be agreeable. I exist to be authentic.
And the right people — the ones who see me fully — will always stay.